- Thoughts on my church and why I think the Holy Spirit might have left the building Today after church we had a “Feedback/ how are we doing as a church” session. Which when we were all said and done, felt a bit more like a We-are-the-greatest-church-ever cheerleaders rehearsal. The meeting seemed to be gaining some promising momentum…but was suddenly closed with a simple prayer. It felt dissatisfying and inconclusive. I exited the basement and walked out the door of the church to a chilly November afternoon. I looked up at the sky and felt my heart sink as the words and meaning of the meeting fell into place. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a disgruntled college student who wants church MY way. In fact I am very aware of the long journey a church must travel towards finding its identity (this is the second church plant that I’ve given myself to). I’m also no church expert or church consultant, so read my words with a bucket of salt. I’m just some guy with an opinion. I have been going to this church for more than 3 and a half years, (6 months after its official start) and have seen it go through the wringer, to say the least. I LOVE the people at this church and they are my family in ways no other church body has ever been. These people are MY people. My involvement throughout the years has provided me with an up front view to the action. The thing is, 3 yrs ago we had a similar meeting with a room full of vibrant, passionate, people, like we did today. Back then we came up with the same dreams and visions that folks so readily offered up today. Yes, I want my church to be about “reconciliation,” “community” and “justice.” I want all these good things for us. But as I surveyed the room I realized that, of the room full of people that originally cried out these dreams and visions for our church a few years back, only 3 or 4 from that old group remained! I thought about all the people who were originally there and how over time, they had left. And I noticed today, that those most zealously sticking up their hands to exclaim what a wonderful church we are had only been there a few months or a year at best. The revolving door of our church has been spinning and continues to do so. Such is the nature of church in a big city. A sadness filled me as I realized and have been realizing over this last year; something is missing. Something is missing that only time is able to tell. There is a gap between envisioning and living out vision. There is this gaping divide between talking and doing. It’s easy to talk about justice and the beloved community, rather than do justice and become that community. And when it comes to my church, there has been a tragic failure in the execution of these very lofty values and ideals over the last 4 years. I fear that not only is something missing, but something is seriously broken. During the meeting, red flags began to shoot up everywhere. It began to feel too internally focused. I know it was a “how are we doing as a church meeting,” but surely that doesn’t mean it’s all about “we, us and I.” People expressed a dislike of the churches that hurt them in the past and the new comfort they’ve found with us. Red flag. We lightly touched on the spirituality of our church, with (I believe) one comment on how we could do with some more organized prayer. Another red flag. The illusion that we were starting something new, something never before attempted, saturated our language; another red flag. I thought to myself, “how long do we call ourselves a church plant? How long do we pretend we are ‘just learners?’ How long do we hide behind Sunday morning and ESL classes and fail to really become a church on the move?” I imagined a good starting point might be doing away with our excuses and facing our failures. Why do we not speak of them as a group? I imagine if we did, we might move a step forward instead of 2 steps back. But the few comments toward this direction in the meeting were met with confusion and dissention. Yes, we talk about racial reconciliation, but without a solid vision for diversity and the tangible steps toward getting us there. We speak of it as a value, but when the heat turns up, people leave the kitchen. Our unity is only skin deep and at arms length. We have failed to define our identity primarily as “Christ Ones” and too few culturally diverse, authentic relationships have been formed. We do not struggle, hurt or bleed enough to claim this as something we are about. We talk about neighborhood development in a neighborhood well on its way to being fully gentrified; and wait, did I mention we are those gentry? We talk about “starting something new” but in the last 4 years have made no significant partnerships to those already serving the poor in the neighborhood. We are “all about the poor” but the poor are not even among us. More tragically, we are not even among them… yet we see them congregate in the park everyday and hang out on every street corner of “our” neighborhood. And most sadly, our lofty values and ideals contain no real mention of God. We got close with the mention of worship but I was disappointed as people emphasized they were speaking more of the style and variety of the music. There was praise of the teaching pastor and the musical skills of the worship pastor, I mean, director, but if we are to be an Acts 2 church we must move beyond celebrity. We seem to not see the LORD, High and lifted up with the train of His robe filling the temple with glory. I am convinced that if we did, we would take sin in our church much more seriously. “Woe is me” would be our heart cry. We would be living out and pursuing; prayer, fasting, accountability, confession, discipleship and the spreading of the gospel. We wouldn’t smell, look or taste like the world around us. We should be identifying ourselves as broken, needy, desperate people above all other descriptors of ourselves. We would have a growing and unquenchable thirst for God. As it is, I begin to fear we have no hunger or desire for God—Not just the things OF God, but GOD Himself. We lack an appetite for God Himself and will therefore never ever accomplish the things OF God without Him. To us the Holy Spirit is a vague Star-Wars-like force not to be mentioned too much for fear of sounding like a fanatical charismatic, but just enough to acknowledge our belief in the trinity. Our efforts are man made, bearing no real fruit. What sad people we are. What sad people we have become. Playing church when the battle for our neighborhood, our city, and our world rages on and people are lost daily to drugs, poverty, the pursuit of the American dream and nominal, mediocre, cultural Christianity. A wall full of values, ideals and dreams as wonderful as they are, are still just gifts that pale in comparison to the Giver Himself. I can only imagine what would happen if we were to firstly and passionately fall on our faces before the Lord as a church, repentant, needy and desperate to see Him. But seriously, what do I know? I’m just a guy with an opinion, standing under a November sky, feeling like something is missing.
a personal revolution
sermons to my son
Something is missing
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hey turd. quit thinking. it just gets worse. haha.
Posted by gospeltree | November 19, 2007, 6:44 amThose are some prophetic words man! They might get you shot:) Start blogging consistently again man. You’re one of the best bloggers I know:)
Posted by Dave | November 23, 2007, 6:06 pmI was really moved by this post, but what moved me most was the lack of comments you were getting when you first wrote it. I know a lot of people who read your blog, and I know a lot of people who go to the same church you did, and it really made me wonder what people were saying in response to this, but not on this blog.
Posted by Jeremy Pietsch | November 26, 2007, 4:51 amHey jeremy, nae, dave, paulgood to hear from you. I actually thought no one was reading this blog anymore and needed to voice some thoughts. Folks have said a few things here and there. Honestly much of this processing is leading me through a personal revival. He is beautiful beyond.
Posted by allan | November 26, 2007, 11:02 pmThanks for your words Allan. I wanted to be there for this conversation… also wondering if the same oft-heard things would be said again. I feel the fatigue too – wanting a life and community that truly is Jesus with skin on, but so often feeling like we’re just going in circles. Thank you for speaking your frustration, honestly but without bitterness.
Posted by kim | November 27, 2007, 1:48 amAllan—I agree with some of your critiques and disagree with others.Agree: → An isolated meeting of ‘we are the greatest church ever’ with no exploration of the weaknesses or gaps is dissatisfying and inconclusive. → That many people would have exalted these same platitudes three years ago, and are not here anymore today. → That many of the original core is gone. → That many of the zealous people that were in this meeting are new to River City. → That there is a gap between envisioning and living out vision (I like McManus’ quote that we are all recovering hypocrites trying to shrink this gap”). → “Yes, we talk about racial reconciliation, but without a solid vision for diversity and the tangible steps toward getting us there.”→ “We speak of it as a value, but when the heat turns up, people leave the kitchen.”(This is certainly true of at least a wide swath of people who have come thru River City)→ “too few culturally diverse, authentic relationships have been formed…”All of these are true and need to be addressed.Disagree: → “When it comes to my church, there has been a tragic failure in the execution of these very lofty values and ideals over the last 4 years. I fear that not only is something missing, but something is seriously broken.” Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I would never argue that. However, despite the many people who have not stuck it out, I could line up 30-50 people who in their own words would say that the experience of planting this church has been incredibly instrumental in their formation of a Kingdom value system rooted in reconciliation, justice, and equality. This isn’t an attempt to cover over other people’s frustrations, but dozens of changed lives are in the mix as well.→ “I thought to myself, “how long do we call ourselves a church plant? How long do we pretend we are ‘just learners?’ How long do we hide behind Sunday morning and ESL classes and fail to really become a church on the move?” This line surprised me because I know you, and know that you value things such as being a learner, and being sensitive to the complexities of an established community. It could be argued that the number one danger our church faces is allowing the energy/ideas that our young idealists have to be unleashed on our neighborhood without a corresponding maturity/knowledge/connection to the community. Though it is not always obvious to the naked eye in a Sunday service or in our outreach activities, one of the highest priorities of River City has been to earn the trust of on-the-ground local stakeholders in the Humboldt Park community. I don’t think that after 4 years we should or could now consider ourselves established experts, as that would do incredible damage to the relationships we are building. We have numerous, powerfully connected, local people watching us to see how we proceed. Attempting to solve the systemic problems of this community too quickly could be devastating to the long term purpose we have here as a church.→ “Our unity is only skin deep and at arms length. We have failed to define our identity primarily as “Christ Ones” and.” I believe this is too broad of a statement. Certainly it is probably true of many individuals and sub-groups within the church. But I think you would find that there also those who are having a different experience, and that should not be dismissed just because others have not.→ “We talk about neighborhood development in a neighborhood well on its way to being fully gentrified…” Many RC3 people live in the gentrified parts, but if you go S or W of the corner of Kedzie and Chicago there are blocks and blocks of neighborhood that are probably not going to be gentrified in the next 10 years, and desperately need Godly, holistic investment.→ “We talk about “starting something new” but in the last 4 years have made no significant partnerships to those already serving the poor in the neighborhood.” I believe that those in Breakthrough Urban Ministries, New Life Covenant, Near Northwest Neighborhood Network, World Vision, and to a certain degree ICI, CAPS, and By the Hand would disagree with that statement. Could always be better, but there has been a big emphasis to first work with the established before starting our own thing…→ “We are “all about the poor” but the poor are not even among us. More tragically, we are not even among them…” I agree that the overall demographic of our church trends towards upwardly mobile. On the other hand, there are many more poor at River City than most probably realize. We have dozens of people who have been financially assisted by the church and would be destitute without the help. At this moment there are 4 or 5 people in River City who are on the verge of absolute poverty. We do not showcase them at church but that shouldn’t be confused with their presence not being among us. However, I do agree that far too many of our people don’t make an effort to intertwine their lives more regularly with those who are poor, and is something that they must take the next step on in their walk towards fully following Jesus.There is no doubt that this type of ministry and vision is one filled with promise & possibility while also being marked by frustration & failure. We have all watched the dozens (if not hundreds) of people who have come through River City that start out with all this idealism and energy to change the world, only to leave the minute that they are confronted, challenged, or frustrated even a little bit. There is an incredibly high amount of immaturity and self-centeredness in many of us that have come through. But there are also many signs of people who are dead serious about following Jesus into the full depths of the Kingdom of God. I think the pessimist/realist can always look at the first group as an easy illustration for their feeling that this can’t/won’t work. I think the optimistic/hopeful looks at the second group and sees the possibility of the Beloved Community forming in mustard seed kinds of ways. There are elements to both that I think are true. But we continue to lean on pastors, leaders, and practicioners who have gone before us for advice, and the greater percentage of them continue to pour in words of life and encouragement to River City, and they truly believe that even with the struggles and twists and turns that we have had that we are as well positioned to do this as any group they have known or seen. So I am not turning a blind eye to what the pessimist/realists see, but I see enough to believe that God is working through River City and other faith communities in Humboldt Park to bring the Kingdom of God in new and fresh ways…
Posted by Daniel | December 6, 2007, 9:41 pmAllan, please blog again man!
Posted by Dave | December 7, 2007, 5:01 amHey Daniel,Thanks for your comments on my blog. I appreciated your thoughts and respect that you did not take offense. Peoples critical words, no matter how true or false can sting an awful lot (believe me I know, I’ve got my own baby that’s been criticized and analyzed) and so I really hope that you took my words with a bucket of salt as they do come from one persons perspective. I really pray that you are not discouraged by what I said. And the truth is; the critique was of us not of one individual.It was really to the lack of hunger in our spirituality that I felt I needed to express sadness. The shortfall in the other stuff seems to me, to be the symptoms of this problem. The details of the symptoms I confess I am lost on and take your word over mine any day. But it is this longing for God and His Spirit moving in us… that is what I desire and what I want for River City. I have seen it before and long for it again. Where people wake up each day with deep joy in their hearts and passion for life and each other and God has their highest affections in word and deed. Man, when we are those people and when we are in that place then we will really be cookin’.
Posted by allan | December 12, 2007, 8:09 pm